Empty Nest too soon?

As a single mom, convenience plays a major role in my decision making and school is one of them. Learning and grow into parenting, I have come to realize that no maan, this is not my identity but a temporary assignment given unto me and with every assignment you always strive to do it well and come out tops.

So in navigating this assignment, I picked there is a whole need to replenish so I am able to give my very best performance, and that spiked the thought of letting my Gucci bags to junior boarding school. I am not sending them away, I am not running away from my responsibilities, I am simply letting them into a different territory. My take is that day schooling can be a lot taxing for single parents. Everything falls onto your plate and in many instances wanting to be there for your kids, you end up out stretchbig yourself way too wide in between homeworks and parenting. You cheat yourself on “doing you” and get buried around work assignments, studying further and pursuing other interests. I figured having time to myself and for myself, will enhance my parenting and extend into happier resilient kids. I mean with boarding in the picture, they will be shifting out of their comfort zone, loosing the reality of waking up to mommy and bidding her good night , which may provoke anxiety and a sense of loss, but also there is no point in having a tired mommy around wrapped in due assignments and heaps of work load. My kids are young (ages 9 and 11), I’ve discussed the idea of boarding school with them and they have fallen into the idea and are okay with it and in being in different schools. What surprised me more is the interest my son shows every time we drive past this particular school set for him. The comfort and willingness to start the new journey is amazing. We’ve had conversations with friends on boarding school and how I got to pick the schools my kids will be going to. I’ve put aside the boarding school horror stories for some of this friends and explored boarding schools for this reasons; I truly believe this time away will give the kids time and space required to grow into new interests and build lifelong friends.

Their confidence level will be honed, preparing them for bigger challenges in high school and in life.

The set schedule of boarding school will ignite a spark of self discipline in them which is crucial in leading a successful life. Boarding school will afford them stability and support; as it is, it’s been hard coordinating tutoring sessions, extra murals, work meetings, my studying, side hustle and social drinks. I want our family time to be memorable and not filled with stress and impatience of wrapping homework and preparing meals.

It is also time for them to focus on academics and personality development and steer away from Roblox distractions at home. I am tired of screaming “stay away from games, study and learn to balance between work and play” I sometimes feel like it’s hard English coming from me to them. Besides the reasons listed here, I had also looked at factors such as the track record, how they would be kept safe, how they’d be challenged intellectually, entrenchment on Christian ethos and how they’d be encouraged to grow into good people. I also wanted the school closer to home for cost containment and to allow for regular visits. I see the benefit of simply being a more attentive mom and have my months planned already with alternates between the first weekend spend with my boy, the second weekend with my daughter, the third weekend being mommies time and the forth weekend allowing for all of us being together. The scary truth is that it sometimes feels like separation, however I also think it’s good for them in finding their own paths independently (they will be in different schools) another foreign thing for them as they currently go to the same school and bump into each other every now and then. And yes I’ve asked myself a lot of questions around this. It’s a big deal. I’ve spoken to friends and family and the answers are not the same. It may be hard facing it in the next year but I have also learned it’s also about being me, not tightening myself on my kids and letting go. I am aware that there are many single parents that would also like to enter this bubble of “letting their kids go to boarding” but are stuck in between feeling like they are abandoning their kids to the world of the unknown. Let go friends! What we go through gets buried in silence, it is often difficult to explain how it feels like, how it looks like and how much it haunts you especially when it is deemed “selfish” to say I need my time as a person (outside being a mom) or even throw it at them and say I need time to jol (side eye)… Well, this new developments for our family are both exciting and daunting at the same time. I have spent the past months helping them sort their laundry, organize their school books and bags, prepare their own breakfast and lunch and cleaning after themselves even though their bed making looks like an abandoned grave. I think this is a good decision, a step into a big exciting world with big bright possibilities. After all it’s said it takes a village to raise a child and I see that panning out well with the many hands on offer awaiting to shower me comfort in attending to my kid’s daily needs ( homework, food, housing, extra murals) while I am able to manage work and personal schedules, show up for school activities and horse riding without bringing up curfews and dirty bedrooms babels. I also went to boarding in Matric, out of choice. I asked my parents for it, I wanted to experience it and I know what a big decision this is. Time will tell how it all pans out for my kids and I. What are your thoughts on sending your children to boarding school at a younger age? (younger age being from 8 years old) What would you consider for the move?

If you’ve been a boarder, please share your experience and thoughts too.. It’s another Wondrous Wednesday Soon to be boarding mom 😉 Likha~(biso)

Likhabiso Kaibe