Love and Motherhood ❤️

Driving to Centurion Mall yesterday, I couldn’t help but recognize this big billboard on Love with the beautiful scripture that we usually hear at weddings. 1 Corinthians 13

What is love anyway besides it being the greatest command and all of us wanting a share of it.

I know I’ve assigned the scripture to wedding ceremonies, and many crave to hear and live the “love is…” mantra on all occasions. I find it to also fit perfectly with the crown calling of motherhood. I was driven by love to the mall to entertain the Guccis.

Ask any parent, better still any sane mother how they feel about their kids and you will hear all sorts of beautiful poetry of crossing oceans and dying for their children. Whatever it takes babe…whatever it takes mommy!

Ahh, how far we, as parents are willing to go for our kids? I mean in the true sense of love and not so much about being pushed, triggered, or carrying the guilt, and being overworked whilst still parenting yourself in the process.

This beautiful creatures are great but again some days I want to hibernate and be my mothers daughter and transfer all the responsibilities to someone else.

I’ve seen my parents help each other with us the four daughters and loaning my grandmother “us“ during the school holidays so they can have time to themselves…which helped a lot. This allowed them breathe a bit and to continue in practicing kindness and patience, I guess.

We’ve heard about being impeccable with our words and feelings from Don Mugiel Ruiz in his great book The Four Agreements. How many of us can stand on the hill top and say “present, give me 10/10”?

Let’s go back to the love that drove me to Centurion mall with the kids. My son just turned 11 years last week Monday and I had promised a gift and this trip was to get us the gift. This was supposed to be an in and out of picking what we already discussed and agreed upon and driving back. He knew I had a zoom meeting to log on to. Halfway through the mall he changes his mind and wants something else. I remind him of what we agreed upon and he throws a tantrum (a full blown 11 year old man) Joo! Mang? Kae? I retaliate heavily. Talk about kindness and patience coupled by enduring of all things. Man I got tested and I flexed my “I’m your mother you listen to me“ muscle.

Not so long ago I was on a long call with my therapist, frustrated and overwhelmed because I had just scolded at my kids for something they had done but the scolding was absolutely unnecessary and I knew it. I called Shirley and told her about the behavior changes in my children especially my girl (this one is raising me), she is an old soul teaching me how to be me., quite in touch with her senses and being.

I at least was bold enough to confess to her that it’s not my children but me that needed the help.

The thing is we are kids ourselves raising kids and the harshness we’ve experienced or are experiencing can be distracting at times. Navigating this mountain can be crazy, which quickly reminded me of the trust God has in me. This took me to a couple of scriptures including the famous love scripture that welcomed me as I drove into the mall;

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (whichever Bible version you prefer - I use the African Bible Version)

It reads and is translated thus:

Love is patient - Love never gives up

Love is kind - Love cares more for others than for self

It is not jealous -Love doesn’t envy and doesn’t want what it doesn’t have

Love is not pompous -Love isn’t puffed up with vanity

It is not inflated -Love doesn’t inflate

It is not rude -Love is refined

It does not seek its own interests -Love isn’t always “me, me, me first”

It is not quick tempered -Love doesn’t scream over everything right?

It does not brood over injury -Love doesn’t bank blunders of others

It does not rejoice over wrongdoing -Love doesn’t delight when others cower

But rejoices with the truth - Love triumphs in growing the truth

It bears all things -Love puts up with anything

Believes all things - Love trusts God always

Hopes all things -Love always looks for the best

Endures all things -Love never looks back, But keeps going to the end

It is a beautiful “poem” and really would have loved to have met Paul the apostle (My Dad was also a Paul 😉) and hear his thoughts on this amazing declaration about love because it is so on point, not to mention the hard implementation of it. How I wish I demonstrated it everyday.

You see living the Gospel of love is the most challenging yet simple thing we are called to do. I am pretty sure loving your child is an easy thing, I mean we bond with this people right from the word go and in most cases their landing on Mother Earth changes our lives and outlook in many ways. But what about on those extreme cases when things are going uphill, nothing flies, and you are forced to hold it together, keep up with everything and trust God?…Do we as mothers still sing the “Love is patient” mantra?

Okay let’s make it mild a bit, turning away from the incident with my son I spoke about earlier. Have you ever felt like running and locking yourself out because “WOW” as they say lately. I mean real “WOW” You’ve been tested and you are not ready. Where you want to change the script and add “sometimes” to every declaration because it can’t be complete without “SOMETIMES”

More like; Love is sometimes kind (when you’ve not been tested so much”), sometimes patient (when you’ve made the zoom call more important that what your child wants to need or even in some cases you perceive their ears get temporarily blocked on purpose.)

Oh beautiful people, what I can tell you is that some days I’m close to just adding the “sometimes” and altering the script in my mothering journey. Other days I’m on top of my game and can easily get to the heaven gates walking tall, I mean my love hovers at above 120% . I get the golden cup of the most gentlest, kindest, most patient mom in the whole wild world and damn other days I crawl on my knees. I’m the outright grumpiest, emotionally wobbly, loud and a nerve wreck.

Does it ever happen to you or am I the only black sheep here?

Worried and checking in with how black this sheep in me is and to also ease the journey, I called another friend that stays close by to start a “mother’s club” where we’d co-parent; at least get time off between ourselves when the heat is a bit unsettling and refill our cups and giving us (much required) space to do better in believing and enduring all things in this motherhood journey.

As a single parent, have you considered clubbing with other single parents (both male and female) to share the load (of course you’d need to know and trust the person you are getting into partnership with and share the same values/principles and the kids should also click, resuscitating “it takes a village to raise a child”

I’d like us to look into the love scripture collectively as we translate love to motherhood or even parenting. The Lord knows we need gentle reminders every now and then on what it means, the responsibilities He’s placed in our tiny hands and minds as parents and focus on what matters the most.

So here we go….repeat after me 🙃

The Motherhood version of 1 Corinthians 13 verse 4 -7

Motherhood never gives up …even if it takes day in and day out to get things right….whatever right means in your home…for me getting the Guccis to do their chores, read and spent less time on their screens.

Motherhood cares more for others than for self …this should remind us of being courteous. The extent of our self-love strongly influences how we love our kids. If we learn to see God in our kids, we will remember to treat them well and with respect.

Motherhood doesn’t envy and doesn’t want what it doesn’t have …this excludes sleep, bottomless coffee, tons of wine and me time.

Motherhood isn’t puffed up with vanity …it’s best to remember sooner than later that parenting is a continuous learning school.

Motherhood doesn’t inflate …because the only thing we should fill with air and left in the air are birthday balloons.

Motherhood is refined …we learn to be gentle yet firm carrying the proverbs teaching of “spare the rod spoil the child…even Mark Twain in Tom Sawyer said it best.

Motherhood isn’t always “me, me, me first” …we need to here our kids out, am I preaching or this are just little people who don’t pay rent?

Motherhood doesn’t scream over everything right? …I pray for silence everyday…I’m learning to bite my tongue.

Motherhood doesn’t bank blunders of others …because I darn see myself in my kids every day, some are just annoyances. Oh the reflections are blown out and I don’t want to even be ready to admit and own up.

Motherhood doesn’t delight when others cower …but chooses compassion instead. I was once a child and I understand that they are bound to do what they do as their brains and emotions are developing and it’s my duty to help them be...

Motherhood triumphs in growing the truth …honesty with myself and them, mercy and understanding with lots of grace and gratitude is a necessity (remember the Wall Words…”in this house…we use kind words, always tell the truth” drill?)

Motherhood puts up with anything …even irresponsibility, disorder rooms and closets, drawn walls, muddied clothes like we live in a village with red soil and the famous “I don’t want to talk to you mommy, I am sad” utterances from my tween boy”.

Motherhood trusts God always …because that’s the best and only option we have for peace.

Motherhood always looks for the best …because we need to teach our kids not to look for the worst. The year end school results kept my heart pounding like never before.

Motherhood never looks back …we calibrate as we go because we can only change the present and improve on how things emerge going forward.

But keeps going to the end …we don’t dare give up. The journey continues…

Despite the chaos we find ourselves in and the pain of facing the truth as it is, that we too are children that need more parenting and gentleness so we can really be patient, kind and whatever is needed at that particular time to our children. Despite our triggers and many faults in this trial and error business, it comforts me that the beautiful God that chose and loved us before we even thought of being parents, has put his trust on us with this big a task. He doesn’t and has never given up on us.

I mean really, playing a part in shaping some human is no child’s play. It’s humbling and understandable why He’s got our backs.

So taking from him as a loving father He is, let’s learn to start and restart, to recalibrate over and over in the strive to do our best in setting a good example and living out what this love and motherhood is for our children despite the different circumstances we may be finding ourselves in.

Can I hear a BIG AMEN Bazalwane!!

The 2021 church is out.

Let’s give our Offspring some Love and unmerited favour on this Wondrous Wednesday.

See you again in 2022

Graciously

Likha~(biso)