My Gran Judged a book by its cover

My grandmother judged a book by its cover and it turned out to be a juicy best seller.

Years later, the judgement resulted in four extracts from this beautiful memoir that my gran influenced my dad into picking.

The Book Extracts

So, I don’t know the full details of my parents love story of how they met, where and who made the first move or even how long they dated. ( I regret not asking and if you are in the same boat as me and both your parents are still alive or even one of them is, brew a pot of tea, sit them down and ask them to narrate the story for you. Please go ahead, have a pen and piece of paper, take some notes, every detail of it. Same goes with the family tree).

In the olden days, I believe courtship was a family affair. However the dating game has hugely changed, I mean it took a huge turn from my times so you can imagine the gap with our parents era.

The judge, this grandmother of mine that I love(d) so much, tricked me against dating my “high school sweetheart “ well I lie, he was about to be until I was smoothly talked out of it unknowingly.

He liked me a lot and I think I did too but was still naïve to understand what lovers talked about. With this being my biggest headache, it delayed my "yes" into courting him. Instead of making up my mind about my life situation, I sought counsel from Nkhono.

In the waiting, this boy; let’s call him Mark, would buy me tennis biscuits, Schweppes granadilla and the smoked beef simba chips. He even invested in an A4 glossy musical card, one of those cards you'd get from Cardies. It had lovers by the beach under a beautiful sunset with words “For the Love of my Life” in cursive. It was placed safely in the drawer and would atleast open it once a day with a kiss, listen to the melody and pack it back. It took me to another planet and really made me feel like the luckiest person in the world.

Back to my grandmother, she was strict and firm yet gentle, which created transparent and respectful conversations between us. I trusted her. Our relationship was golden. It was deep and she loved me dearly. So I shared with her that “ba ya nshela“ right. Right! Somewhat I wish I had not because it cost me a relationship daaah. Who knows where this relationship could have been? Perhaps celebrating two decades of marriage. Who knows?

My Beloved Grandmother- The Judge!

Let me take you to the day I told Nkhono about Mark. I remember the day so well, she seemed excited, encouraging and engaged that umkhwenyana will soon be knocking at our door. She said it was great that boys have started noticing me, but next time we meet I should ask him just one question that will determine whether he really likes me or not. The intended question was “a wa nyala naa” loosely translated are you marrying me.

Whooo…stop!

You must know that this advise is from my mentor, my sweetheart, my everything and it meant a lot to me and I felt supported in my endeavours . So I applied it to the T.

We met one afternoon after school and well…I spit it out “a wa nyala naa” Yho did I really say that…what was I thinking? Did I even think? Mark’s eyes popped, he looked down, shook his head in disbelief I suspect.

He looked confused. I had scared him poor child. He asked me to repeat what I’ve just said…ahhh me, I repeated with so much pride and confidence “Ke re; a wa nyala naa?”. I don’t remember what he said but I never saw him ever again…I’d go looking for him but nothing. He just vanished to this day.

Mark scored some free points, more so because he went to my Dad’s alma mater - Sacred Heart College, a prestigious Catholic boys school. Besides his cleanliness and many other aspects that I liked about him, the school alone was a big plus for me. Boys from that school were just cool right and they were known of speaking and singing well - feeding into my love for choral music.

Well he disappeared and I stopped looking for him. Wait, let me confess. I had long stopped looking for him until I typed his names on Facebook not so long ago and boom there he was…Damn! Tables turned! This was now my glorious appointed time to shake my head. A thousand thoughts raced through my mind as I went through his profile. Am I stalking some boy from two decades ago? I panicked a bit and all I managed to do was a wry smile. It was a good thing I was alone, steadily seated on a couch. So I was safe.

I tilted my head zooming into his space. He is cuter, mature, polished and well build. Yum! Just like me, he’s got two beautiful kids. For a minute I was tempted to drop that short DM “Hi” but nay, I spoke myself out of it and exercised great self control. We are after all told “resist the devil and he will flea…” - I did just that and I am proud of myself. I’m not saying he is the devil, I resisted the devil in me.

I breathed…stop Likha. Stop! Stop it. Stop it man. Be a lady. I don’t know what ladies do in instances like this. Just know, it would have been an innocent “Hi” but again we don’t know how the other party would have interpreted it. I decided to stay out of danger. I’m safer this side and NO, I’m not going to check his page again, it could also be against the POPI Act.

Okay let me not digress, this is not my love story but my parents right…

My Dad was at age to marry (ka sesotho re re o raha moritshoane), I think he was seeing three women (wooo you too don’t judge as yet), this was a sensible assumption I made based on how things turned out.

My dad was charismatic. He was tall, dark, handsome and with a good heart.

The Suitor - My Dad

This is how the story turned out.

He brought the first woman home (let’s call her Mpho) to meet the parentals...my grandma instantly disliked Mpho and turns her away, her reasons being that her (grandma) and dad are dark in complexion and doesn’t understand how he would bring an even darker and short girl. He must find a lighter girl. She wants a blend with grandkids. It was a big no no for her.

Morienyane (that’s my dad’s name); she said, “God created you the way you are - flaws and all, and you cannot change it, you accept and work with what you have. He also gives you an opportunity to choose, and when he does, choose well my boy. There is no way you are going to walk into a store (she referenced Fraser’s in this case) and pick an ugly blanket. Pick a colourful one! Take your time and choose well”.

The second woman was introduced, she had scrawny legs ,my grandma again turned her back citing eee Kaibe e nwa o menoto (she’s got scrawny legs) . I cannot have scrawny legs, and you having scrawny legs bring us a girl with scrawny legs, there is no way I’m accepting her. Continue with the search…

To perhaps give reason to this heavy involvement by my grandma - maybe just maybe it will make a bit of sense. My dad was the only child. My gran was protective over him and took so much pride in him. I suspect being the only child she had the extracts in mind and wanted to play a slight part in the deciding factor on how “they“ turn out, but the truth is God decides on the features and the rest of whatever she was hoping for.

We may see it a little bit silly for one’s parent to take authority over romantic decisions but I think had she had other children, she wouldn't have been too involved and worried about the type of blanket they picked from the store, perhaps banking on the idea that, they would be many added to the clan and compensate for other should the other not satisfy her expectations, but now she was faced with only one blanket to pick and keep!

So the third woman was presented. This one had an impression on my grandma and later became my mom. She was graceful, aesthetically pleasing with glowy skin, she had great composure, showed kindness and happened to be a great cook. Above all, she made her feel comfortable and respected. Nkhono was excited, finally the girl that ticked the obvious boxes in her world, who had full beautiful legs (as opposed to menoto), sparkly eyes, a radiant smile and added colour with her light complexion.

The Third Woman - My Mom

She asked few further questions about my mom and told my Dad “jwale re ka ya Kimberley ngwanaka. Ke e na enwa hee, itukise re tsamae“!

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord”

I am certain she saw more than the physical beauty and I believe she discussed with Dad before deciding on marriage and all that comes with it.

Dad may have spoken about these three ladies to my gran. She could have taken notes of each girl and formed an opinion.

Mum came prepared giving a great first impression, be it mannerism, dress code whatever that may have cemented her fit in into the family.

Oh boy and they made a great team. I simply adored their relationship and dreamed of something similar to theirs.

Having been raised by my grandmother, she shared most of our family stories, as a result I never got to ask my parents on how they met and more so validate my Dad’s side of story which I’m more interested in. However, I got to ask my mother what drew her to my Dad, she simply says he was a gentleman. “He was handsome with honing charm and I knew he was the one”.

So she too, falls under Bo-ma “I knew he/she was the one”…I’ve heard that line many times before and still waiting for my turn to boldly say it too…(on my second time around ofcourse).

It turned out judging a book by its cover was not such a bad idea, in actual fact that’s what book covers are for right? I bet you don’t just blindly pick a book and run with it. You check the tittle, size of the print and font, flip through the pages and read through the synopsis to make even better judgement. Even in cases when it’s a recommendation. That’s how my mom scored the hunk and they’ve been inseparable till death do them part.

For the single ladies, next time you are asked to meet the parents, be prepared, maybe, just maybe your fate is on the line.

I’m curious to hear;

• Hard cover or paperback?

• Do you give a rough diamond a chance or you look for a polished one?

• In cases where you found the one, how did you know he/she was the one?

In addition...

• What do you look for in a partner? - I look at different things and yes shoes do count.

• What influence has your parents had on your choice of partners? Is their support and blessing necessary to determine a go ahead for you to get married?

• Would you choose a partner for your kids? - Why and how would you do it?

It’s a Wondrous Wednesday

Consider the cover

Likha~Biso