Taking it Personally? Stop!

We’ve been faced with difficult periods since the pandemic, piling up to the usual ups and downs of life. The sad thing about this is that our issues got blown out hard and we hid and continue to hide behind the pandemic.

No I’m not discounting the effects and impact this monster has brought unto us. But my observation is that we’ve become mean in the name of “doing me” and have picked up a lot of cliché words and the question is…do we even understand what we are saying. I am not even going to start listing those common words and phrases we’ve been singing lately. However it would be interesting to know how often we take time to reflect and assess whether whatever we decide on adopting fits into the person we want to become.

Before I get into a rant, there is an English proverb that says “Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder/beer holder” whichever resonates with you. I will take the latter any day.

You see when someone tells you that you are beautiful, believe it, appreciate it and move on. That’s purely out of what the person sees and how they feel about you at that particular moment. It’s got absolutely nothing to do with you but the person saying that to you because in that same breath they could turn around and remind you of how an ugly duckling you are. Does that mean you go all crying because now you’ve been thrown into the same boat with that poor ugly duckling you made fun of? No child, it’s all depended on what that particular person sees through their own world.

Ruiz the author of “The Four Agreements” points out in his book that nothing other people say or do is because of you. It is because of themselves. How other people relate to us often depends on their mood, so if we base our self-image on how someone else treats us, we will most likely experience many difficulties.

He says we take things personally because we agree with whatever is being said and as soon as we agree, we take in the poison and are trapped in the dream of hell. If we take things personally, we will be upset, insecure, and unhappy most of the time.

However, learning not to take things other people say or do personally, will help us become content, happy, and confident.

Let’s bring it home. I’ve many times taken things out of proportion because I went out of my way and personalized things that had nothing to do with me, likewise imposed my insecurities on others.

I had just gotten out of what I thought and wanted to be a fairy tale. The person that earlier whispered sweet nothings had turned his back on me and now blurting sarcastic words unto me. He had gotten to be someone who mistreats me and ultimately introduced me to prison. (I will indulge you soon about this chapter of my life). In the interest of satisfying your curiosity, I have been imprisoned and detained at both “Sun City” also know as Johannesburg Cental and Bramley Police Stations. It was a malicious act because he could. I learned over time that it had nothing to do with me but really more about his hurt and I agreed to be part of his suffering.

You see, I was broken, bitter and angry. The world had turned its back on me. I’d see people laughing and I’d think they are laughing at me. The truth is nothing they said, laughed at and felt was about them, but ME.

During the time, I happened to not have a good relationship with my then boss. He wasn’t a bad boss BUT very nosy and my closet wasn’t too neat in the publics eyes (I was going through a nasty divorce) and it bothered me.

We sat at the coffee area debriefing after an intense but good presentation. Everyone was chit chatting and happy but me. I got irritated with the laughter and everyone’s happiness that I left for my desk. Man did I not cry when I got to my open plan desk? The crying that gets mucus blowing a bubble. Concerned a colleague came through to assist, she knew about my here and there discontent with my boss (which I conveniently used), she patiently asked what could be the matter. Did I not blame the poor Boss on how insensitive he is with his nosiness and comments. I pointed towards him sobbing “look at him now he is laughing out like a hyena and here i am bound at my desk blah blah blah”…the story and the unwarranted ranting went on.

Let’s pause a bit.

Was it about the Boss?

A big No!

It was Ms Likha dealing with her demons, being triggered every second and putting blame onto the nearest prey.

Let me wear this shoes again. This past Saturday, I had a beautiful relaxed spa date with a friend. When I thought and declared my day perfect, I get a text from a neighbor I never met. Call her a Samaritan woman.

My daughter had gone to the park, which I asked her not to go. Her going to the park had nothing to do with me but her inquisitive self wanting to explore things herself, unfortunately she then got bitten by a bull dog around the eye area. The Samaritan woman’s husby was at the park with their four year old child. Witnessing the ordeal, he grabbed my daughter and ran with her to his home which was not far from the park to attend to the dog bite. The poor Samaritan woman disinfected the wound and tried calling; (of course I was sipping some wine and enjoying the spa treatments to care about answering a strange call on a Saturday afternoon. After all, it wouldn’t be work related, it’s a weekend and I deserve a break). It didn’t occur to me that it could be a hunk wanting to sweep me away, but anyways…with the calls not being answered, she then resorts to sending a text message which I read and it got me packing up my belongings and flying out of the Spa to get home to my child.

I am worried, imagining things and flat stressed. I get home and we rush to the Doctors room. My high blood pressure is sky rocketing. We get help and are given some prescription. We drive to the DisChem at Jean Crossing to get the medication. When I get to car, the car would not start. What now? I call my insurance broker…dololo pickup. I call my mechanic, Nico doesn’t pick up either. I want to punch him for not picking up my so urgent calls. I call AA road assist nie Alcoholics Anonymous though that would have not been a bad idea.

Whilst waiting for AA personnel to come help, my son keeps on asking me what is wrong 😑 in that innocent nagging childhood way. I snap for nothing! For nothing (I stress) because the situation I’m in is heavy and wearing on me.

My son, the poor victim has nothing to do with it and is being attacked by dearest mommy. Put yourself in my position for a moment. Go back to the last time you threw your toys out of the cot and overreacted. Reflect on the day. What was going on? What were your stressors for the day? Being truthful you’d admit that the overreaction was not on anyone but you. You overreacted because of your own inability to handle one more thing that day.

When you judge or someone judges you, remember it’s not about the next person but the offender. The need to judge others has nothing to do with them but our own judgements we make to ourselves. Next time, slow down and listen to what you say and do to others and quickly correct yourself should they be a need.

Look at the comments people make about people’s lives- the recent one being Minnie’s divorce. It is the pain that we carry and disappointments within ourselves and not the divorce.

Therefore, I leave you with this quote from Ruiz “As you make a habit of not taking anything personally, you won’t need to place your trust in what others do or say. You will only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices.”

Happy choosing!

Monica said it too and we sang along…“ It's just one of them days, don't take it personal”

Want to read along on the third agreement? Let’s make it a date next Wed Nes Day.

It’s another Wondrous Wednesday

Lighten your journey of life ~ don’t take it personal.

Likha~(Biso)❤️